• PM_ME_SNEKS_IN_HATS@lemmy.world
      102·
      8 months ago

      This has been bothering me for like 10 years and it has to come out now even though it’s only kind of relevant to the topic.

      Spoilers for Face/Off if you haven’t seen it go watch it it’s amazing.

      Okay, so Face/Off has the craziest ending to a movie ever. And you’re thinking to yourself “What that the good guy wins in the end and everyone is happy? That’s not unexpected.” But you have to look at the finer details.

      After Sean Archer is back in John Travolta’s body at the end and he’s like “I don’t need this bullet scar anymore, it’s cool, I’ve healed.” He goes back to see his family. He walks in the door and his wife and daughter are like “Yay you’re our dad and not some crazy person again yay!”. The following things that happen need to be broken down individually for it to fully be understood how insane it is what happens:

      • What is with the weird run your hand down the face thing they do? It’s so bizarre and it’s never explained. His daughter is like “Sorry I shot you…” and he just runs his hand down her face like a weirdo. Why.

      • Archer goes “There’s something I have to ask both of you…” and the just brings in some random kid they’ve never seen and is like “he needs a place to live” WHAT?!?! This kid was in a shoot out in a drug den like a week ago. He was raised in a terrible environment. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to be placed in a normal family or anything, but the kid needs like all the therapy. He’s going to have emotional problems. Are you really ready to deal with all that Archer? Really? Your family just went through a crazy thing and you’re like “Here is a huge responsibility we need to take on now.”

      • The daughter says “My name is Jamie” and the DOES THE WEIRD FACE HAND THING! Why do they do that? It’s so weird. Is she like assimilating him into their collective. And he, completely unphased by the hand thing in a show of immense self control, is just says “My name is Adam.”

      • Then Archer says “Show Adam to his new room.” And the daughter and Adam run off and then the most insane thing I’ve ever seen in a move happens. Archer looks at his wife and is like “….Okay?” and she goes “nod nod….okay…” and they kiss. End of movie.

      To that last point…WHAT?!?!!?!? Am I taking crazy pills or something? This dude just decides that they’re raising a kid WITHOUT ASKING HIS WIFE FIRST!?!?! If I brought home a dog without discussing it with my wife first, she would be pretty pissed but a WHOLE DAMN KID?!?! A kid, who as mentioned, is going to need intense therapy and extra support? A kid who, it would seem, is there only to replace your other kid who died which is whole ‘nother kind of fucked up (see the life of Salvidor Dali).

      Anyway, thanks for coming to my TedTalk.

  • 👍Maximum Derek👍English
    491·
    8 months ago

    Let’s do a remake of Rush Hour with Chris Tucker affecting a Hong Kong accent and Jackie Chan in black face. Just to see how the world reacts.

  • pruwyben
    25·
    8 months ago

    Brad Pitt as Robert Paulson, Meatloaf as Tyler Durden.

    • mindbleach@sh.itjust.works
      2·
      8 months ago

      I’d be interested in the Brad Pitt half of that, because I bet he’d play it like Val Kilmer in Heat. Cocksure and dangerous but kinda broken. A dude who’s got a very strong self-image he deeply feels he does not live up to.

      The other half is - who plays the narrator? Chris Farley’s dead. No, wait, I got it: John Goodman.

  • xantoxis@lemmy.world
    181·
    8 months ago

    Sigourney Weaver swapped with the various cats playing Jonesy in Alien. Feline badass ruthlessly combats an alien monster with the occasional jump scare by Sigourney.

  • JoeCoT@fedia.io
    15·
    8 months ago

    Harrison Ford and Ke Huy Quan (Short Round) in Temple of Dune. I want a little boy as an action hero while Harrison Ford provides occasional support.

      • ArtieShaw@fedia.io
        3·
        8 months ago

        Interesting. Sub in a Harkkonen for the mad priest with a taste for organ-harvesting cruelty. A nightclub singer in the role of a Bene Gesserit witch who is there for no obvious reason. (Plans within plans?) The Fremen are the little slaves toiling to extract resources/spice.

        In the end, Short Round liberates the oppressed masses and greenery returns to the parched lands. In accordance with prophecy.

        It could work.

    • ArtieShaw@fedia.io
      5·
      8 months ago

      You may be looking for the Goonies. Conveniently, same actor.

      (And I still stand by “pincers of power” although I know it’s wrong).

  • Jimmyeatsausage@lemmy.world
    13·
    8 months ago

    Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone in Last Action Hero.

    It’s an older movie, but the idea is that a kid gets sucked into an action movie staring Arnold and at one point, he’s trying to convince Arnold that world isn’t real, so they go to a video rental place to look at the Terminator memorabilia and it’s all Stallone.