I don’t know if anyone here has been through this… but I eat a lot of fast food because I have a fear of using anything to cook, if it’s for me to make something like bread and butter, that’s fine, it’s just a fork that I need, but when it comes to using a furnace or those kind of things, I just have a fear I might mess up somehow and start a fire or something… I know it sounds stupid but it’s a nightmare I have in my head for some reason =/, I thought I’d try getting over it so I could cook my own meals and get more healthy but thar’s a barrier stopping me… can anyone who has been through this give me any advice on it?
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The best way to get rid of a fear is to face it.
Try cooking something simple like pancakes. Really, just following the directions of a recipe should make cooking anything pretty simple, if not time consuming the more complicated it gets. Even the most lavish of foods aren’t exactly difficult. They just take patience and time.
Keep baking soda around, if you manage to start a fire use it to smother the fire.
Otherwise, if you fuck up the food, order a pizza and try again tomorrow
Yea, it sounds like OP has a fear of starting a fire so I would take a few steps to mitigate that fear. If there are other fears holding you back, make a check list to address those as well.
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Have a plan for if a fire starts. Have a fire extinguisher nearby, and check it once a year to make sure it’s still good. You can use water to put out most things, but if the oil in the pan is on fire, do not use water. Use either a for extinguisher rated for oil fires, or smother with baking soda or cover with a non glass lid.
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As part of being ready for a fire, know it’s not a big deal unless it’s spreading outside of the stove area. Aka, don’t panic, follow your plan to put it out and move on.
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Start with food that you really can’t burn, then move onto actually cooking things in a pan. For any recipe, just Google it or watch a video on how to do it. Make some rice in a pot of water, hard boiled eggs, soups etc. From there start with fried eggs, pastas, pan fried fish or chicken, and any other simple dish you might need to use a pan for.
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It’s also useful to know it’s fairly hard to start a fire while cooking in a pan, unless you leave things unattended or if you have a lot of oil overheat. There will usually be lots of smoke before something bursts into flames, so you’ll have time to stop it before it burns.
In response primarily to #4: Yeah, I’ve done a lot of cooking but I’ve never actually started a fire. As long as you’re not being wildly negligent or deep frying something the risk of burning something is very very low.
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Step 1 - burn the house down with gasoline.
There is no step 2.
Now whenever you cook, no matter what you do, no matter how badly you fail, it’ll never be as bad as the time yoj caused a house fire, which resulted in several houses catching fire.
This is an irrational fear that is having a severe effect on your ability to function in a normal way. You should seek therapy if that is practical.
We don’t know how rational or irrational this is. Kitchen fires do happen. If you don’t know how to prevent or handle them, then it’s a very rational fear to have.
Jesus Christ why is everyone else giving cooking and safety advice when OP obviously needs therapy
Cooking can be therapeutic.
And one doesn’t preclude the other.
I’m always annoyed when people say “You should just get therapy”, because of how completely inaccessible it is to those of us not wealthy enough to be in the upper middle class, which is most of us these days.
They’re basically saying “Your problems are fixable but only if you’ve got thousands of pounds to throw away on a therapist, if you’re a normal working class person you’re fecked”.
You might as well be saying “Homeless? Just buy a house duuh”.
I know you yourself mean well (and you do use the “practical” caveat which is appreciated), I don’t mean to sound overly harsh, it’s just this comes up a lot and as someone suffering greatly from mental illness destroying my life that I can’t afford to get treatment for it’s very depressing :-(
While I sympathize with your point of view, there are also people who can afford it, need it badly, but don’t use it.
Maybe start with more simple things? What I feel is simple is like oatmeal or pasta.
Maybe take a cooking class? They can teach you how to do things so it won’t be as scary.
My wife suggested watching a lot of cooking YouTube videos.
Salads, sandwiches, wraps, ramen (using an electric kettle to boil water).
If OP has a fear of fire, a rice cooker, or crock pot, or instapot, or air fryer, or panini press can do so much without ever having to see flames.
I would wonder if you felt the same about driving? I’m betting that part of it is that you don’t know how to react in a bind. That’s practice and training more than anything.
Try this: Go watch some kitchen safety how videos. Go by some boxed Mac and cheese. Make it, it’s foolproof.
Notice that everything turned out ok. Try it again a few times. Now go try something different that you might like.Your first step might be finding someone who can mentor you and help you and teach you a bit. Someone with patience and who is caring.
To be honest though, it sounds like some good therapeutic council would do you very well and bring quality of life.
get a rice cooker.
One button. super safe. easy to clean.
there are recipe books about how to use a rice cooker to cook all sorts of stuff (rice, curries, hot pot, soups, pasta, steamed anything)
with that same one button.
after you get comfortable heating up food so that you can eat it, you can try a pan or a Crock-Pot, whatever strikes your fancy.
Agreed. Rice cookers and slow cookers are gateway appliances. You’ll get sous chef prep practice and results with very low risk of failure.
I haven’t experienced what you’re describing. Previous experience suggests exposure is the next step for you. If a cooking class isn’t feasible right now then start with watching some videos online (best if they’re home cooks - you want to watch common cooking of foods you like to eat).
You’re not trying to memorize anything or learn hard skills during this time. You’re only trying to become more familiar with people working in a kitchen so it doesn’t feel as alien and maybe not quite as scary.
Do that regularly for a while. If it’s too much for you: dial it back. You do want to push your boundaries but only when you’re feeling ok about it. Small wins will turn into more small wins and eventually you might be interested in trying to cook something.
If that happens, and I suspect it will, know that it is OK to start cautiously and take your time learning how to use the oven and stove top. Try turning a burner on with no pan or pot on top. Let it get hot. Turn it off. Let it cool down. Repeat that across a few days if the first one helps you.
Once you’re comfortable you should do that practice again and add water to a pan until its half full. Once the burner is hot: place your pan of water on top of the stove burner. Let the water come to a boil. Remove the pan from the stove top. Let the pan and water cool down. Note how much water is missing (some of it will have steamed away while boiling). Add that much water back to the pan and practice this again.
You can build your experiences, step by step, with safe extensions and new footholds, until you’re feeling confident about cooking something with the boiling water. You’re going to boil an egg!
Complete your practice again but instead of taking the water off right after it boils: leave it on the burner for 6 minutes. Then remove it and let it cool. Success? Do that again using a pot instead of a pan. Pot half full of water. Grab a serving spoon or similar item. Once the water comes to a boil:
- Lower the burner temperature to half / medium. The water should be moving and steamy but the bubbles should be very gentle or cease. Dropping the egg into actively boiling water may cause the egg to crack prematurely.
- Use the serving spoon to gently place the egg in the center of the boiling water.
- Wait six minutes.
- Remove the pot of water from the burner.
- Turn the burner off.
- Use the serving spoon to lift the egg out of the hot water.
- Run the egg under cold water (this helps it from over cooking and helps make peeling easier).
- Enjoy your egg.
You can absolutely boil any kind of pasta, lots of vegetables, and almost all starchy foods. Boiling is very safe because the water regulates the temperature for us. So long as there is water in the pot the pot is unable to meaningfully exceed 100 degrees Celsius (the boiling point of water / ~212F). It is very difficult to burn anything or start a fire while boiling water.
Best of luck my friend.
Convenience appliances? You can do a lot with a microwave oven, air fryer and coffee maker, without any flame, or really any exposed hot surfaces
Might be worth picking up some fire safety equipment if that might give you some peace of mind and reduce that barrier a little. Not talking about parking a shiny red fire truck in your driveway but a small kitchen fire extinguisher shouldn’t be too hard to come by. There are also stovetop extinguisher canisters that go off automatically when exposed to intense heat (fine for normal cooking but intended to be activated by an uncontrolled fire).
If you haven’t seen it already, I’d also recommend watching a video or two about how to control grease fires. Reading about it is one thing but seeing the demonstration of why not to use water really drives the point home. Scary for sure but the other side of it is that you learn how to handle one of the worst-case scenarios so it can be a confidence boost moving forward.
Also as far as cooking hardware, glass-top stoves are very difficult to start fires on, and induction cooktops are even more, at least for stuff like boilovers and spilled food.
I’d also suggest taking some sort of cooking class, many community colleges have classes that you can take at night, and there are several businesses that offer classes as well. Getting used to the tools and techniques in a supervised environment can go a long way for confidence at home.
I am a software engineer by trade, so when I started cooking, everything and every tool was intimidating, because I had no idea how it worked nor what it was meant for. I knew nothing about knives besides not to drop one, didn’t know the difference between a wok and a skillet, and didn’t understand how oil creates a non-stick surface on a non-non-stick pan.
What helped me was a book that wasn’t like a recipe or cook book, but something closer to a food and kitchen textbook. The Food Lab by Kenji Lopez-Alt goes into some excruciatingly scientific detail about the role of different kitchen implements, and then showcasing recipes that apply theory to practice. Each step in the recipes thoroughly describe what to do, and the author puts a lot of content onto his YouTube channel as well.
It was this book that convinced me to buy, strip, and season a cast iron pan, which has already proven its worth as a non-sticking vessel comparable to my old Teflon-coated pans. And I think for you, reading the theory and following some of the recipes might develop sufficient experience to at least be comfortable in an active kitchen. It’s very much a chicken-and-egg problem – if you’ll pardon the poultry pun – but this book might be enough to make progress in the kitchen.
Also, since it was published in 2015, it’s very likely available at your local library, so check there first before spending money to buy the book. Good luck with your culinary development!
First, it’s OK to not cook. If you are getting by alright without cooking, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Second, I respect you coming here and admitting your fear. Ironically it takes a lot of bravery to do that!
Third, irrational fears and anxieties are a normal part of the human experience. Everybody has them, so though it can feel like you’re being stupid, you’re really just being human (though some might say that’s two ways of saying the same thing).
Fourth, I’m not a therapist or medical professional but the treatment for phobias I am aware of are CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), and exposure therapy. You can find CBT and ACT workbooks that might be helpful. As for exposure therapy, I think it’s best to work with a professional doing that. Exposure therapy is not just taking the plunge, there’s a process to it. Of course, if you can afford it, talking to a mental health professional is always best.
Good luck!
He is eating a lot of fast food. That is not okay, it is harmful to your health (at least in the US). It is possible to find healthy restaurant meals, but it isn’t easy, if you care at all about health you need to cook yourself to get it. Of course once you know how to cook you discover you can cook much better than a restaurant meal for a lot less money.
I conditioned my statement with “if you are getting by alright”. If nutritional needs aren’t being met that’s not getting by alright. Though I can see how someone might interpret that differently, but that was my intent.
You can get by on bad nutriton for a long time but I wouldn’t call it alright.
But your point still stands. If someone is content to not improve
I just have a fear I might mess up somehow and start a fire or something
It takes some effort to start a fire. Most oils flash points are >600 F, which you might get a pan to to sear a steak, but to heat a pan of oil for deepfrying or something to >600 F, which would be a dangerous situation, requires you to continue heating it after it started billowing smoke between ~350F and ~525.
In any case, if you manage to have an oil fire, say by spilling some on the burner, just let it burn out if it’s a small amount or turn off the heat and throw a towel over it if it’s like a cup’s worth.
Minor burns aren’t uncommon when you’re learning, but that’s just a very quick way to learn “wrap the handle of the cast iron you just took out of the oven with a towel so you don’t grab it like a moron” or “use tongs to place things on hot oil so it doesn’t splatter on your hand”
You might mess up! That’s normal. Even experienced professionals do. That might be part of your apprehension? Like, if those experienced professionals can goof up, imagine what an inexperienced person might do?
But, the reality is that you’ll mess up the same when you mess up. It’ll be a little cut here, a little singe there. Your kitchen won’t explode, you won’t catch on fire. All in all, you stop thinking of some things as mess-ups and start thinking of them as just a normal outcome.
Here’s what I would recommend doing if you want to practice in safe ways:
- Practice mixing drinks. Not necessarily cocktails! Like, mix some herbs and juice in with a club soda. Tada, that’s cooking.
- Practice making salads with take-home kits. Add some vinegar or oil and herbs in addition to what you’ve got out of the kit.
- Make hot drinks: teas, coffees, things like that. Eventually start making your own syrups for them: look up simple syrup recipes and infusions.
- Get frozen pizzas or other frozen foods. Buy extra shredded cheese and Italian seasoning. Cook them as normal except add the cheese and seasoning on top before you do.
Here’s what I would recommend if you want to increase your own personal safety:
- Get a fire extinguisher and put it somewhere obvious in your kitchen.
- Look for “cut resistant” gloves. They help protect your hands when you’re working with knives and stuff.
- Get some timers with magnets on them and practice using them. The most likely way something’ll catch fire is if you’re distracted and timers will help you avoid that.
- Get some silicone mitts and handles for the oven. They’re incredibly heat resilient!
I’d also maybe just say familiarize yourself with cooking enough to demystify it? Like, marathon watch Good Eats or Iron Chef or something? Put it on in the background while you do other stuff, and just get used to seeing kitchens and food in action?
Fundamentally though this might be worth talking to a therapist about, because it could be that you’ve got some kind of reason (maybe more rational than you imagine) to have this apprehension. If that’s the case the first step is, honestly, talking it out with someone and not ignoring it and forcing yourself to do something you’re uncomfortable with.
