This is like the 3 time I’ve shit myself on accident this year, every time it happens I go to fart and push a little too hard and soil myself. 
now it has me worried I’m dying.
you would have to fucking violently waterboard me for 24 hours straight to get me to ever consider freely admitting something like “this is the third time i’ve shit myself on accident this year” LOL
praying for you and your underwear comrade…please try gently releasing your sphincter the next time you fart instead of going into fifth gear immediately so that you may have time to clench before the levee breaks and thus avoid having to wash your underwear
All my life I wasted so much time and energy on washing my underwear, I didn’t know you were only supposed to wash them when you shit yourself? God damn this is life changing
i knew someone would say something like this…never said you were ONLY supposed to wash your underwear when you shit yourself - but surely if you do shit yourself, you’re not tossing your shitty underwear on the top of your laundry pile and letting it sit until you do your weekly load - god damn i know it smell crazy where you live
I’ve admitted to fart worse on the internet
-2
you aren’t alive until you’ve shit yourself as an adult
you aren’t free until you can freely discuss it
you aren’t incontinent until you’ve shit yourself multiple times in a year
by all means, check in with a doc. eat more fiber. but maybe dial back your trusting of farts too. the risk reward ratio is a no-go in my opinion. what has one really lost by farting into a toilet? a moment of time? a sense of pride? all these memories will be lost like sharts in the rain.
I’ve going to have to develop friggin’ fart etiquette.
Not enough people talk about fart trust. The privilege of those who can trust a fart and the loss of that privilege and it’s attendant joys when one is inevitably betrayed.
I tend to err on untrusting, but I’ve been re-learning to trust. Mostly to entertain myself and my household (the dog mainly, and my partner) while outside I’m much more likely to just… not fart. Simply reabsorb the fart until a suitable safe venue (home or a toilet) becomes available.
Why would communism do this
Not to be that guy, but it might be time to see a doctor
That is unless you trust a bunch of us weirdos to successfully diagnose your digestive issues
Which as someone who once considered becoming a doctor, I am more than happy to
Not to be that guy, but it might be time to see a doctor
Yeah I should get checked out, I often have the runs.
Sounds like IBS
Maybe. I do sometimes get indigestion in the form of heartburn.
now it has me worried I’m dying.
Am doctor, can confirm. 3 sharts are a sure sign of imminently shidding yourself to death. So sorry 😔
alright guys, it’s not funny anymore. who shit my pants
hamas
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Too much
or not enough Not enough, I haven’t had beanis in a bit but I supposed I do need more fiber.
Fiber, immodium, diet change. Rice and chicken like comrade Bailey had to eat last week.
That said, right there with you. It took almost a YEAR after i quit drinking for my poops to be normal again.
Solidarity, you got this!
I suppose I can start making myself poached chicken since my oven heating element is shot and all I can do is boil water.
That’s how we did for Bailey last week!
I’ve never boiled chicken before but I can give it a whirl, anything is good with hot sauce.
I will refer to you as Bailey now.
Hear that? It’s my turn to be good comrade pupper Bailey now.
pull up ur pants and do the doodoo dance
Telling an “I shit my pants” story is weirdly endearing to me. It’s showing vulnerability about something that everyone has done.
We shouldn’t feel shame about a bodily function we have no control over anyway.
yet to shit myself unassisted by diarrhea but boy I keep getting reeeeal close recently
I’m putting it down to aging because my diet hasn’t changed that much and the rest of my body seems to be falling apart
I just be fartin all day these days
This happened to me once (or one particularly (ie first)) upsetting time. I was in my early 20s.
I am now approximately 15-20 years older and I’ve only recently learned to trust my farts again. So far it’s been at least 3 months of ripping and giggling again without fear of shame. I still keep it to an at home activity because I really don’t know if my butt will betray me again but if it does it will almost certainly be in public at the most humiliating possible time and place.
All of this is to say, no it probably isn’t JUST a getting old thing. I would suggest it’s most likely dietary and that your poops aren’t efficient. Still, Dr Hexbear is not a real doctor and you should get some professional advice.
I have noticed from listening to Manly Men Talking On The Internet (YouTube and podcasts) that (and I swear I’ve only seen American dudes talk about this like it’s a normal and common occurrence) that an INSANE number of adult American men in their 30s regularly shit their pants and joke about it together later like it’s normal.
Could be that they’re all alcoholic binge drinkers but I’m not sure I’ve really noticed a strong correlation between shart stories and drinking stories.
I’m thinking it’s usually dietary. But maybe there’s more going on here.
I’m thinking it’s usually dietary. But maybe there’s more going on here.
I hope it’s my diet. I don’t drink anymore and afaik my liver is fine. My mom passed away due to her liver and drinking and she would regularly have accidents before she died. Any case I should get myself checked out.
This happens to us all from time to time but 3 is a lot comrade
Yeah I should get checked out soon, especially before I probably lose my medicaid under Trump.
So this is how democracy ends, with thunderous sharts
Is that a joke, or does Trump really attack people’s medical insurance worse than some other presidents?
Not really joking since he put Dr. Oz in charge of medicaid and to me t hat doesn’t bode well.
I’ve got a friend who says once you hit 30, you get 2 freebies a year before you’ve gotta call the doctor but even that sounds like a lot to me.
2 sounds like a lot still and 30 sounds young too
30 is the new 40 here in 
I mean I hope I’m not shitting my pants multiple times a year until at least my 60s
Never trust a fart, comrade.
That said, I trust mine implicitly and will never be let down.
If you’re able to talk to a doc about it you should ask how you can improve your diet
Are you drinking a lot of coffee or something?
Are you drinking a lot of coffee or something?
Could very well be that, I’m up to 6 cups a day so there’s probably a connection.
Oh definitely, that amount of coffee will deliver you the shits.
Try to cut down. Again if you have the means to see a doctor about it I would just to get advice to handle coffee withdrawals once you cut down.
I would say start by cutting down to 4 standard cups a day because that at least gets you below the unhealthy limit.
-signed, a caffeine addict
