Transcript
A tweet by steffi 🦇 ( @immortal_graves ) saying “Welp. @riverandmal found the worst “man writes woman excerpt” ever. The tweet has an image attachment saying " “Hey, baby. It’s happening. I’m ovulating right now. I felt the tingling of my egg coming out.” But the most obvious change to Felicia’s body from the woman who had let me join her in the shower was a full inch of waistline added from a burgeoning uterus filled with my bountiful overnight deposits. Imagining those seeds making way into her fallopian tubes, seeking that most precious treasure of eggs and bringing them to life within her flooded womb, I felt myself stiffen once more.”
The tweet was posted on Twitter for iPhone at 3:03 PM, 03 septermber 20.
“The writer’s barely-disguised inflation fetish”
Barely disguised? There’s a flashing billboard with an arrow pointing at it.
“smut may only be 100% realistic. We cannot have smutty fiction engage in any fetishes or fantasies ever.”
I know cis women who are into stuff like cumflation or being able to feel ovulation in a pleasurable way. This is just a twitter user self-reporting as being boring at best, puritanically anti-kink at worst.
On a side note: I found it wild that you average straight person thinks that wearing a collar, calling someone a good girl/boy and/or going “woof” in bed is extremely kinky. That’s entry-level for furries.
Ok, I didn’t consider that.
This is actually a fantastic take
You know what, fair enough.
it’s fucking harrowing to remember that normal people don’t want to proclaim their love by being collared 😔
Someone didn’t pay attention at basic biology class at all
If the writer was American, there’s a non-zero chance they weren’t taught basic biology.
It uses inches, so it’s a US American or maybe an older commonwealth country person (or I guess a Liberian or whatever the other place is that still uses stupid units).
Could be Christofascist biology which I’ve heard is all sorts of messed up.
Genuine lol here. How did this get past an editor that was even half paying attention? Is this self-published?
I imagine that editor just wanted rid of that manuscript as fast as possible.
You think they care that much about this type of book?
Or it’s on a site dominated by amateur authors, like WattPad or AO3
That shit would not fly on A03. Not even in the omegaverse
Clearly, you don’t sort ao3 by “worst”
“Bae, are you sure it’s not the trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions of flagella tingling?”
What the - and I can’t stress this enough - fuck
No, no, “the fuck” comes after; not just “fuck”.
“The fuck” comes for all of us, eventually
I would venture to say this is a situation where “the absolute fuck” is warranted.
Ehhh, it’s just smut. It doesn’t have to be realistic, it just has to satisfy the author’s breeding fetish.
Just admit you have an enormous breeding fetish
I’m sorry no that’s not a man writing a woman, that’s an alien trying to write human woman
So this is actually real kinda, some women can feel when they ovulate sometimes. It’s called mittelschmerz and it’s quite uncomfortable. Like an aching stab. Definitely not sexy.
Uh-huh… and the rest of it? Like you know, Apperantly cumming so damn much he causes her uterus to swell to the point “it adds an inch to her waistline”
So this is actually real kinda, some men can cum so much that a woman has to size up their pants. It’s called bigolspurtz and it’s quite sexy. Definitely not uncomfortable.
This is so dumb and I can’t stop laughing.
Bigolspurtz sounds like the name of wizard
Oh my God thank you for that laugh.
großenüssen
Lol
sorry but this just made me imagine the egg being fired out of the fallopian tube like a potato cannon
thump OW FUCK NOT AGAIN
Man, it’s not even 8:30 and I have read too much today.
Normally I have more tolerance for internet shit but that’s enough internet shit for today.
I need eyebleach.
I cringed so hard my face looked like ground zero for power word scrunch.
whaa?
