- cross-posted to:
- nonpolitical_memes@lemmy.ml
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My trick for dealing with “blushing bladder” is a Palovian response on myself. I realized I had certain pee triggers. Long story short, there are certain places and situations that cause me to need to urinate. So I figured why not use a word as a trigger? While at home I began saying the trigger word just as I felt the flow begin. Every time I pee, I say the word. My blushing bladder went away. Some of the music venues i frequent have urinals literally elbow to elbow so it’s awkward but there’s no trouble when I say the trigger word. The only problem now is people look at me weird when I’m looking at my dick saying “shazam”.
I do the same type of thing, but I just swish saliva around in my mouth. For some reason that gets my mind off it and next thing I know, I’m peeing.
Gomer, is that you?
Surprise, surprise, surprise!
I just push really hard and force the pee out like a fucking man.
I read on reddit one time—years and years ago—that doing simple multiplication can help occupy the part of your brain keeping you from pissing. A sequence like 2x2=4, 4x4=16, 16x16=256…etc.
I’ve been doing that ever since, and it really helps. Usually by the time I get to doing 16x16 in my head, I’m already peeing.
Hey now that gives me an idea… SHAZAM! SHAZAM! SHAZAM!
You gotta get up close and say it to his dick.
Count the number of tiles in front of you, solve some math problems in your head, think about what to do next saturda- shit, some guy just moved next to me. Is he looking? Maybe I should pull out my phone and check lemmy. …but then people will think I’m recording them piss, and the fact that I’m still not pissing will further justify their suspicions. Maybe I should just pretend to have a small coughing fit and that’s why I can’t pee. But then people will start looking, and maybe even worry I’ll spray them accidentally. Oh the guy finished peeing. I’ll just wait until he leaves the room then. Oh another guy just entered. Well, he doesn’t know anything so I’ll just pretend I finished peeing and hold it in for the rest of the day.
Look at the tiles and imagine the grout lines are an infinite grid of 1 ohm resistors. I wonder what the resistance is between two points a knight’s move apart…dammit I’ve been standing here for hours again
This guy ohm’s
I always look at the smallest distinct shape at the wall in front of me (spots mostly do the trick) and start imagine shapes in it, like looking at the clouds. The world around me then just zoom out and everything turns liquid. Don’t even need drugs 😄 Though a couple of beers help immensly
The only solution that realiably has worked for years for me is to ignore the standing pee spots and just go the the pooper cabin and pee there. Done. Works every time. Sometimes it gets weird waiting for one to open when the standing pee spot is available but the alternative is worse.
Well. This comic certainly isn’t making it easier.
Why are you reading comics at the urinal while you’re trying to pee?
It helps me relax. Usually.
HEY @jerkface@lemmy.ca IS JUST HOLDING HIS WEENER
And a phone.
Actually, that’s a totally different jerkface.
I went with autocomplete in Voyager on iOS and didn’t think anything of it at the time. Sorry for the false accusation, I doubt you are just holding your weener
It’s a statistical likelihood.
jokes on you guys I’m reading this while peeing on a regular toilet where I can relax
To be fair, a bar I go to has a picture box that has a bunch of comics pinned in it over the toilet that you can read while urinating.
I used to go visit a friend of mine often because we’ve always been close. This was all before the pandemic.
They kept a really clean immaculate house. Even the bathroom looked like it was cleaned almost on a hourly basis. They kept a little basket next to the toilet with trivia books and comics. I read them for years while sitting on the toilet … until I realized one day that these things get splashed with pee water every day … for years! … I never thought of it until several years had passed.
This cartoon can’t exist. Urinal etiquette requires:
That you should have one empty urinal between you and the next guy if at all possible. And always go to the nearest open urinal when you enter.
And that you look straight ahead and never look to either side of you. You must stare solely at the wall straight ahead of you. Thoughtful establishments hang pictures or current sales flyers at eye level to look at while peeing.
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there. So there is absolutely no way this cartoon can happen in the real world.
if at all possible
I hate that I’m arguing the reality of a comic world, but we can’t see the rest of the wall. We don’t know if there’s 2/3 urinals total, making it impossible to leave a buffer urinal between them.
Also, without considering it a “rule” I leave an empty urinal between as well, but I don’t go as far as resorting to using a stall if I only have to pee. That’s just silly…
A silly comic often leads to a silly discussion. Sometimes you just need to run with it. Or in the words-- Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.
In fact we do know that there’s someone else in the room - otherwise who is the old man talking to?
You’re kidding yourself. The norm in American bars is to have two urinals whose porcelain touches, and everyone pees with their buddy while having a boisterous chat.
Or it’s a country bar and you have to pee in a common trough.
Ah, the ol’ honky tonk urinal that is just a rain gutter hung at an angle with a hose dribbling into the high side.
I do not miss small towns.
The Joe in Detroit still had those. I made sure to use it one last time during the last Red Wings game I went to there. Fun fact, they sold them before demolishing the Joe. I see one went for $55. Man, I could have had a piece of history in my basement.
They are so close. It’s actually better to put your arm around the guy next to you to make sure you’re good and centered to the urinal.
You must spend a fair amount of time in bars to be so wise. Bars and even restaurants have limited floor space so they can often have just one urinal and you wait your turn. And I have never had anyone even try to talk to me in a bar or restaurant restroom. Why would they? We are there to drink and eat, not discuss philosophy.
People have often tried to strike up conversations in bathrooms when I was clubbing. In their defence, I did look like a drug dealer at the time.
Well that will draw a lot of attention for sure.
You have not peed in enough bars, friend. Once the conversational juices get flowing, people sometimes follow you in to the toilet to keep the conversation going.
Truthfully, I have very seldom hung out in fancy clubs or bars. The places I have hung out in, if you followed someone into the restroom just to talk to them, you would have gotten the shit beat out of you and barred from ever coming back.
Because everyone everywhere always follows etiquette without fail?
In the men’s bathroom, violating any of these rules of etiquette brings the death penalty.
death peenalty
I cover big public board meetings as part of my job, and when I go on breaks, I tend to use the bathroom, because I am a person. Without fail, someone will come in and talk to me while I’m pissing. I don’t personally care, I was in the Marines for a bit and they beat all of that out of you (i.e., a room with eight toilets and that’s it, no walls, nothing, just eight toilets, four on each wall so you can face each other). Regardless though, I never walk in and talk to someone randomly, so it’s strange to me that others do it to me. I guess I just look like a nice guy.
Jes it is an instinct, written into the Male DNA…
Dem’s the rules…Follow them or become the outcast.
And always go to the nearest open urinal when you enter.
I usually go to the one closest to the wall. It seems comfier
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there.
I’m not stopping the chat with my bro just because I have a dick in my hand I’m pissing. I have shit to say
And most of all, you must never speak to anyone in there.
I’m not stopping the chat with my bro just because I have a dick in my hand I’m pissing. I have shit to say
I’d also like to say that some of the funniest things I’ve ever heard have been uttered by a random at a urinal.
I agree with all of this except the “always go to the nearest urinal.” I don’t think it matters which you go to as long as you follow the pattern that allows for the maximum number of urinals to be filled while leaving a one-urinal gap between you and the next person.
Let me explain:
🚽 = urinal, 🚹 = person peeing
You have the following setup:
🚽 | 🚽 | 🚽
Correct urinal to occupy:
🚹 | 🚽 | 🚽 OR 🚽 | 🚽 | 🚹
Incorrect:
🚽 | 🚹 | 🚽
Notice how the correct solution allows for a second urinal to be occupied while still maintaining the courtesy urinal between. The incorrect solution doesn’t.
There are plenty of dudes at the bars and ballgames who try to sneak a peak
deleted by creator
You are either a republican or a pervy pervert.
./
Might be both
I sometimes think that maybe as a society we’d be better off relaxing nudity taboos or something.
I dunno even pets like dogs have to make eye contact with their owner while shitting to feel comfortable and they know nothing of our puritanical ways.
Most dogs view their humans as pack alphas, and in nature they feel vulnerable to attack while they’re shitting. So they look to the alpha to see that they’re safe. They don’t so much want you to watch them as to look beyond and behind them so they can see your reaction if something starts approaching.
I upvoted, but mine’s a sighthound and she don’t care…
For me its the pressure of someone waiting to use it after me, especially when its a lot of people like a packed pub or break time at a show/live music/event etc.
The amount of times if have pretended to have finished, gone washed my hands a walk out only to wait 10mins to go try again…Only sometimes?
Totally agree. Or maybe there could be a little fig leaf dispenser by the urinals so all the shy guys can hide their junk from god whilst they micturate.
it’s not that it’s just that public toilets are an uneasy place and therefore it’s hard to relax, especially when standing up at a urinal instead of sitting down on a regular toilet
You usually sit down at urinals?
no, on a regular toilet of course
I lived in a house once that had a urinal and it was the best thing ever, especially for the first pee of the day. Normalize home urinals!
All houses have at least one urinal. The cool thing is, you’re also able to wash your hands in it afterwards!
Yeah no, other people use that thing to put their hands, toiletries and so on
It was a joke
Still, disgusting
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scottishman walk into a bar and immediately begin urinating into their foam seats.
“What are you doing!?” exclaims the barman.
The Irishman zips up and replies, “it is my Celtic birthright to mark my territory from foreign invaders.”
The Englishman zips up and replies, “it was like that when I got here”.
The Scottishman carries on peeing and replies, “what does it look like I’m doing you daft cunt?”
Duh
Use a urinal while wearing shorts and you’ll change your opinion. I avoid them as much as I can preferring to sit, but sometimes that option is worse than the urinal…
Well, it doesn’t work so well with morning wood, but at all other times I aim toward the bottom so the pee’s hitting the back wall at less than about a 30° angle. I guess compared to sitting there’s gonna be more splash back, but even with shorts I don’t really notice anything. I’m sure it’d be different if you power blast the wall or base at 90°.
Maybe it depends on the urinal? In the US I have seen urinals that basically reach from the floor to your waist, which I imagine involves some splashing. Here in Europe I’ve only seen the ones that are way smaller, around waist height.
Those aren’t so common due to cost. But those have the advantage of allowing someone who is tall and someone who is short to be able to comfortably pee.
I just pee outside.
Urinals should definitely exist because they speed things up a ton. If you’re too shy to piss into a urinal just go to the shitter instead. But don’t dare try to take the speed and convenience away from the rest of us, goddammit!
Where else is my uncle going to tell me what should have happened at state if he got first string?
There are also flushness urinals which use zero fresh water, just a floating, replenishable barrier fluid. I want one at home.
Most I see these days are the flushless ones of one sort or other. Some of them have a bit of a smell but doesn’t bother me since what do you expect, it’s an urinal
